My GP is still the one near my parent’s house. I’ve changed it a few times throughout University but went back there because it’s great. They are quick, they actually listen to you, and you don’t have to wait a month for an appointment. But now I live in central London and the idea of having to get a thirty-five-minute train every time I need to see the GP feels absurd to me. I was trying to find a new GP in my area and as I looked at the list of ‘GPs near me’ I was astounded by how… Continue reading

I recently came across an old newspaper clipping from the front page of The Sun dated August 17, 1977. On the front right is a large black and white photo of Elvis, his shoulders wrapped in an elaborate, collard outfit with multiple gold chains hanging from his neck. In the photo, it’s hard to determine if his eyes are fully closed or if he’s looking down, presumably from a stage onto the crowd. The title reads in block capitals ‘KING ELVIS DEAD’ and floating in slightly smaller type above ‘HE WAS 42 AND ALONE’. Within the context of the headings, it seems… Continue reading

I never used to understand when people said they were ‘time poor’. I would just think, ‘Well, make more time then’, then I’d shrug nonchalantly and go back to relaxing after having finished school at 3 pm or decided to take a random day off of University to rest. But now I feel time-poor and I understand what everyone meant. Every week feels like a massive scramble to get everything done. I wonder how anyone is meant to work, exercise, have a social life, have hobbies, and also be rested to do it all again the next week. It feels… Continue reading

“It’s a fucking zebra crossing you fucking four-eyed cunt”, he spat out as the bus narrowly missed the back wheel of his bike. He then continued to cycle on the pavement hatefully muttering to himself while his fingers clenched the handlebars. It’s not a shocking sight to me anymore. London is full of people pissed off and frustrated. Everyone’s late to something and it’s always everyone else’s fault. I’ve sat on the tube and felt anger radiate off businessmen so intensely I’m surprised I can’t see steam coming out the top of their heads. I’ve heard people shout “Oh my… Continue reading

The other day I sat on the bus after a long day of work as it crawled through central London. It was no motorway drive where the lights blur; the pace was tragic and the lights stayed mockingly in focus. We would creep forward then jolt to a stop causing a collective forward sway of everyone on board. The air was thick and the windows had steamed up from too much breath in an enclosed space. Someone at the back was playing their music out loud. My tailbone hurt from sitting at my desk all day and I could feel… Continue reading

For as long as I can remember I’ve felt that if I had the choice to go back and decide whether or not to be born I would choose not to be. Not that now I’m here I don’t enjoy life but, if I had the option, I would choose the peace of non-existence. In the same way that if you asked me if I wanted orange juice smooth or with pulp I would always say “with pulp please”. Don’t mistake me, I still find smooth orange juice delicious, sweet, and exciting. It’s not desperate or dire, it’s just a… Continue reading

All my Japanese family are extremely self-contained and self-reliant. When I’m with them I feel like an emotional outlier. We’re moonlight and lamplight; they’re steadfast, commanding, and distant, whereas everything pours out of me and bounces off at close range. I assume it’s something in the conservative social structure that trains them to self-regulate well. In the same way you’d teach a puppy to sit, roll over, and ‘give me paw’, I imagine my mum and grandma were taught to self-soothe, cry on their own, and not harass people with their problems. I know in Japan there’s a consensus that… Continue reading

The year is 2007. Shrek the Third has just come out, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is published, Prince plays the half-time show at the Super Bowl, and, of course, Britney Spears shaves her head. Britney shaving her head was a pop-culture pinch point in my childhood. I feel like if someone cut my brain open and mushed around inside they’d find a Britney-shaped scar from 2007 where the memory lives. I vividly remember one photo being shown again and again where Britney is smiling into a mirror, leaning in as she takes a razor to her left side.… Continue reading

I’ve been resting a lot recently, taking a warm rejuvenating hibernation that I’ve learnt improves nearly all situations. Blue Monday was this week but it didn’t feel very ‘blue’ to me, the sun was shining, the air was fresh, and it felt like the start of a good week. Because it was blue Monday, I decided to make this delicious blueberry, lemon, and yoghurt loaf cake. I’ve not baked much with yoghurt before and it came out more dense than I thought it would but it is delicious. An absolute smash. It grew a lot in the oven and I… Continue reading

I am not baking this week as I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. People say ‘It’s that time of year’ and that it’s the ‘January blues’ but I’ve never felt so snubbed out in January before. Last January there was a lot of excitement; I moved to London, I was in a new flat, and I started my job. So now also marks the time of my one year living in London. I’m not sure I entirely love it. Entirely being key as love for anything is rarely sustained and consistent enough to mean you love it entirely. However, I got a pear… Continue reading